Dave Schulz: Man, Myth, Legend.

Long ago, there was a man. This man hated everything to do with what we all know and love as Sporting Kansas City now. He wanted the rainbow to stay, he wanted the stadium at Bannister, he haaattttteedddd Robb Heineman. Then, one day, this man disappeared, right before Sporting Park opened. Can still be found at Comets games.

But, this man, this man seems to have found the light. This man might be coming back to us soon.

November 7th: "So, the Wizards fell a hair short of the the Supporter's Shield. Nuts! Probably a just thing...still no permanent GM, a large problem at GK, no real replacement for Roger, yet another in the unending string of underwhelming Designated Players, Kei gone to Middlesburough, etc. I'm saying holes exist. Still, a good season. As is, a well-earned #2 seed and a Game 1 (of 2) opening roadie at New England tonight. 7p on KSMO. {please let KC score two away tonight, pretty please soccer gods - little g}"

Well, at least Dave still follows the team. Doesn't understand that technical director is basically GM in the organization, Peter Vermes just does it all, then again, he wanted PV fired in 2010. Don't remember him ever liking Jimmy Nielsen ever as well. Uri and Naga laugh hysterically at that comment, Roger continues to waste away at Wigan. Bieler might have turned that around late one. Who cares about Kei now? But Dave still cares.

November 7th: "Kei Kamara has scored 4 in 7 appearances for Middlesbourough. If he was in KC blue tonight, I'm thinking KC would be the overwhelming favorite for MLS Cup and KC would already have the Shield. So, is selling your best player right before the Playoffs the best thing, really? I bet you can guess my opinion. No big deal, it's just Championships, glory, and possible Continental success... Hmmm. {sigh} Go Wizards!!!"

Don't know about that Dave. Kei got awfully shaky at times, even giving up ala the July @Chicago game, where Kei took a small knock early and just stopped trying completely. Shield had nothing to do with Kei and we won the Cup without him, oh well. We got it done Dave, move on.

November 8th: "Wizards: It's good to advance any which way. Still, I'm not giddy that the boys almost got ousted by a fairly pedestrian New England who earned just 5 total shots on net in the 210 minutes and 3 of those 5 scored. Also troublesome is KC's 45 shots earned vs New England with just 14 on net. That simply isn't professional standard."

That was the best thing about Dave, the glass was always half empty.

November 8th: "Wizards: Yes, their GK is awful. Yes, finishing isn't what is required, much less what fans would like. Yes, KC begins in Houston tomorrow with very little recovery time and might get run out the building. Yes, KC can overturn any deficit that might come back to KC with them. All that said, KC is fully cabable of scoring 5 in Houston."

I'd love to show Dave how awful that GK could be during the PKs on December 7th. I also love that he predicts both a Houston win and a KC win in Houston but never thought to include the most boring 0-0 draw I've seen in my life.

November 8th: "Claudio Bieler mis-hit the series winning goal, but it went it, so no complaints..."

Half empty glass. One time touch to put us on the road to MLS Cup victory, but it was "mis-hit." Love ya Dave.

November 8th: "Would have been nice to see the literal carnage Kei Kamara would have laid to the Revs were he still in KC Blue. NE had zero answers vertically with KC sets, but the FWDS couldn't get a header on net. As omens go, that isn't a good one."

I swear to god I remember Dave hating on Kei back in 09-10. He didn't want him. Now, to him, Kei was the only way we were gonna get things done. He's right though, Kei probably would have been great on setpieces against NER.

November 23rd: "WIZARDS: Here's the deal, the East Final is tonight on NBCSN. Winner goes to the MLS Final. KC would host, BTW. The Bad: KC couldn't score in Houston vs a VERY shorthanded team playing it's 5th game in 14 days and 7th in 21 or so. Houston will be as well rested now as MLS took a 2-week break for the FIFA International dates. KC's GK is awful, can't stop shots laterally, can't distribute, and everyone knows it. It means Houston will pressure at some point (should all game) and KC will have to build from 70+ yards from goal. The Good: Only 1 team has beaten KC in KC on the scoreboard in a lose-and-out situation in any competition since 1996 (Yes, it was Houston in 2011). KC is much better at, well, everything, at home. Energy at the park will be high. Bottom Line: KC has to finish the early chance when it comes or Houston might be traveling West next weekend."

I hope Dave was at the game, both the conference final and MLS Cup final. Even with his opinions, he's came around big time.

December 2nd: "KC overcame ify GK play, some all-too-frequent-lately defensive lapses, and some Houston misses to score one of the best passes (from #10-Feilhaber) of the season to win 2-1 and claim the Eastern Conference Championship. Hate the owners and colors, but I love the team. I dare you to not smile as Dom pots the clincher or when Jimmy lifts the East Cup...I dare you. GO WIZARDS!!!"

Most Wizardscharter comment ever. This makes me smile. Feels like the old days of BigSoccer are still alive.

December 2nd: "WIZARDS: RSL will be loads tougher than Houston or New England. Basically, in this year, most all the East teams were flat horrible to flawed at best. Even NY had bad defense and bad chemistry. Anyway, the majority of the handfull of good MLS sides were all out West. RSL is the West survivor and Champion. Thankfully they must come here. I'm less worried about KC's finishing with a hot Dom Dwyer. As KC and Nielson have only faced 10 shots on net in 4 full playoff games and allowed 4 to score, KC's Achilles' is obvious. Personally, I'm praying that RSL forgets completely how to score, the KC D remembers they are the best in MLS, and the hyped Cauldron wins the day."

Man, he really hates Nielsen. Like I'm sure he'd throw a cup of water in his face at a grocery store hate.

December 7th: "MLS Cup into ET. KC must score as they have zero chance in a pk situation IMO. GO WIZARDS!!!"

Miss ya Wizardscharter. Get over the hate for the owners, everything is perfect now. You come back, I buy your first beer in the Member's Club.

Better Together

It had to be them, just had to be. The planets were aligned, the stars pointed towards it. Didn’t seem like it would come together, their home form dipped, we gave 'em their first MLS loss at BBVA Compass Stadium ever. But they snuck in, just like last year, you just can’t shake 'em off. The Houston Dynamo are like that lingering cough you sometimes catch in fall or winter, sticks around long after you think you’re well and off antibiotics, then it sneaks up on you and you’re bedridden again.

The situation of Kansas City vs. Houston is odd enough for me. Some of my best US men’s national team supporter friends are from American Outlaws Houston. Hell, I enjoy their company more than most of AOKC these days and have thought about reupping my membership (if I even do) through their chapter. But I can’t help it that there is that lingering MLS stink between us, that doubt in my mind whenever they bring up the last two years, it hurts me ever so dearly.

July 4th, 2009. I remember my first in person KC-HOU tilt, my first year as a season ticket holder. Don’t remember much of that match, probably another CAB drab affair, but I remember that one thing. That prick Kei Kamara, man, back then, screw that guy. What a chump. The white glove tribute on the pitcher’s mound. That guy could have went down in KC infamy after that, who would have known how beloved he’d become.

September 22nd, 2010. Oh, that home matchup though. That was my mom’s first Wiz game since I was a kid. Middle of the week nondescript matchup against a Houston squad in disarray with no playoff hopes whatsoever against a Wiz squad still clinging to a dismal chance at any postseason play at all. The Houston goal scorers for that game were either crazy good on their way out like Dominic Oduro, a player with hope that never panned out like Cam Weaver (heh, he’s still at Houston somehow), and Adrian Serioux, who knows where the hell he ever ended up, it’s not in MLS at least.

Oh that game though, the chaos. Going down 2-0 early, and then fighting back with a Kei goal followed by 3-1 two minutes later, it looked all but over for the Wizards. My mom was probably the only person around us in the upper part of the CAB Cauldron who didn’t give up. She couldn’t have predicted Pat Onstad to fuck up like he did though, slipping and basically passing the ball right to Teal and handing him a goal. She couldn’t have predicted Ryan Smith’s right footed effort to be deflected by ADRIAN FREAKIN’ SERIOUX HIMSELF past Onstad to tie the game at 3-3. No one in history could predict Nielsen long ball to “Mikey Mo Money Kitty Kat” Harrington to Josh Wolff’s head to back of the net either. I celebrated hard with a wanker in a Newcastle jersey, he was the first person in sight that wasn’t my mother. What a night.

Then the curse began, November 6^th, 2011.  It crawled in upon us as The Terror. The team provided the beers and food in the Sprint Plaza, Chiefs game being broadcast over the speakers. A certain person made the worst Jaeger Bombs ever and proceeded to mostly drink them by himself and throw them up. The Chiefs lost 31-3 to Miami at Arrowhead that day, the beginning of a 4 game losing streak and the beginning of the end for Todd Haley. Across the metro, Sporting Kansas City were the overwhelming favorites, I won’t even joke about how close it was. I had nearly booked my flight to LA earlier that week, my confidence had been that high.

But there was a lingering doubt, The Terror, that stopped me from doing it. 52^nd minute, Seth Sinovic gives up an easy foul on Calen Carr, Helmet Boy. No problem right? Brad Davis is out, injured, Adam Moffat steps over the ball instead. Our defense can hold this, easy. Powered in from the right side, Jermaine Taylor headed into the far post, dinks off and right to Andre Hainault, 53^rd minute and you’re down 1-0 at home in the biggest game since MLS Cup 2004. The game winning goal has been given and you don’t know it yet, you still have the hope, the lingering hope that you’re going to LA.

87^th minute, Carlo Costly blazes past a lazy Aurelien Collin, slots one quite easily past Nielsen. 2-0, you’ve lost it at home, you were the favorites. Creamsicle celebrations abound. Awful, your body, soul, mind, hurts everywhere. This was supposed to be the dream, to fulfill it. I lingered around too long, helping put up flags, trying to take my mind off of what has just happened. I start to leave but I hear Don Garber’s voice congratulating those orange folks, right in time to see the fireworks and confetti. They were orange, all orange, in a sea of blue. I went home and slumbered for a long while, hurt too much from what should have been.

November 4^th, 2012. Been a pretty good year, eh? US Open Cup Champions and just a game or so short of Supporter’s Shield, damned Goonies of San Jose. But for me, this hasn’t been the best week. Halloween night, I sit at my friend’s house, having commandeered the TV to put the Chicago-Houston wild card match on. My friend, Jesse, has been to a few games with me and mildly enjoys the sport but enjoys just drinking and hanging out more. We all have a grand ol’ time, the old gang back together again. I curse my luck, a planned Chicago playoff trip for that weekend is voided by those sneaky peeps from Houston winning 2-1. Oh well, I’ve got my friends and plenty of beer.

I walked home in the early morning, about an hour after another friend and I try to dissuade Jesse from driving home and sleeping in his truck or in the house instead. Later that morning, I’m woken up with a phone call that Jesse died in a drunk driving accident not long after leaving. The games no longer seem so important, I put off any attempts at trying to get to Houston for the game and figure out where to go from there. I watch the away leg from my couch, no alcohol, deep in my thoughts. 18^th minute, Adam Moffat’s volleyed screamer, I can’t even get mad but I feel my bloody boiling, that dreaded curse is building. 75^th minute, Will Bruin takes a ball from Calen Carr, Nielsen again fails to save. 2-0, blouses. See you Wednesday, because The Terror won’t take me.

November 7^th, 2012. I leave for Orlando the next day on a long planned family trip, perfectly timed. If we win, I’ll miss the first leg in the next round, but at this point, I don’t even care. The Terror is nowhere to be seen, too numb from recent emotions. Only one thought in my head: win. Just win. And was I right, we won! We won the game! Yay! Oh wait, it doesn’t count for shit since it was only a 1-0 win, in the 64^th minute, a goal from Seth “I Only Score in the Playoffs” Sinovic with the only chance the team finished. No orange fireworks, no orange confetti, we didn’t even make it that far. It was a good season, but I need to be far from here.

November 9^th, 2013. We’re all idiots, a discussion that started in earnest at 11pm Wednesday night turns into a 12 hour car drive starting late Friday night. The members of what would later become known as Team Shart are on their way to Houston, Texas for the first leg of the 2013 Eastern Conference Finals. No one can ever doubt our commitment ever again, we are dumb thickskulled diehards and there isn’t a thing anyone can do about it. A solid hour and a half to two hour tailgate full of the best Texas BBQ ribs I’ve ever had and the worst pumped keg in the history of men later and we’re in BBVA Compass Stadium itself. I actually like the stadium, nice downtown setting that you can tailgate at, going to have a light rail connection soon, nice views from inside. I don’t care though, I’ve come for one thing only, a result.

90 minutes of the most unsavory sorry ass jet lagged soccer I’ve ever seen, but you wouldn’t be able to tell that from the way the Cauldron celebrated at the final whistle. We got what we needed, we didn’t give up anything in Houston, unlike the season before. Our future is in our own hands now, we are in the driver’s seat. Team Shart celebrates with the best deep dish pizza Houston can offer and plenty of beer, all while avoiding the most bizarre wedding party you’d ever encounter. We are now legendary, but at this point, we’re just glad to have gotten a hotel room.

12:01am, 11/23/2013. The game is 14 and a half hours away and I can’t sleep. Sporting Park will host, by far, the coldest game it’s ever seen. We are now in a situation like 2011, somewhat like that one legged encounter. But there is something missing, The Terror is gone. Unlike last year’s numbness and the year before’s terror, I feel only confidence and pride. I believe in this team, I believe they’ll get past Dom Kinnear’s stoic bus parking defense and allow me to buy one more ticket to a 2013 MLS game on December 7^th. I feel like everything is right in the world, not just in Sporting, but in my life as well. I’m happy, I’ve finally found my passion in life, and I’m in the best relationship I’ve had in my life. The team and I have grown older in the past 3 seasons together, we’ve finally matured to the point where we can get through this. I’m one voice in the crowd, but put together with 20k+ others, we’re “louder” than you’d think.

See you at 6:30pm.

The Mythical AO Seattle: Dos a Cero Version 4.0 From a AOKC North End Supporter

Everyone saw those reports: “American Outlaws Seattle Chapter to Standardize Columbus Game”. Everyone thought this was the end, AO Seattle would come in for every game, take over, tell you how to chant, how to pogo, how to tifo, how to wipe your ass. Those glory days of self controlled debauchery were long gone it seemed. You might as well have just purchased a Rave Green Dempsey shirt instead of a Centennial one. The end was nigh.

The Jump to Conclusions Mat was in full effect. Whatever happened between AO and AO Seattle, we will probably never know. Truth be told, I think it was real at one point and backfired on mainly just the Seattle guys, who I actually like and consider a few my new friends made in June. But standing up on the Capo Standing Area (would have killed for like a stand or something...) on Tuesday night, it seemed awfully American up there. We had guys from all over the country. My partner for the night was from DC, and was a United fan, so we shouldn't have gotten along and had such a great time.

There was only one AO Seattle member that I’m pretty sure was involved, and it was that one capo that took control of the microphone for a bit, yeah, you know the one I’m talking about. Mr. 3 Songs, the off tune nightmare. Pretty sure he was one of the leads up in Seattle, where he was in a much better atmosphere turning local chants into national ones, rather than taking the usual AO chants and trying to basically remember them. But overall, the rest of the time, we kicked ass in the North Bleachers.

Was there problems? Absolutely. The sound system only worked during spots or not at all in the rest of the stadium. The corner I was helping with didn't get any of the speaker parts at all, so I was walking back and forth between NB1 and the corners for the entire first half til I was exhausted and needed a nice water/sitting break at half. Thankfully, the corner had some great capos in there that were able to get their own chants going, but that led to the main stand getting all grumpy about people not staying on what they wanted going on. The system fell apart fully at about 30 minutes, when only entire stadium chants, like the Brazil related ones, were the only ones to get the entire stadium on the same page.

Could we have done it differently? I don’t think so. Everything was put in place to make it work. AO Columbus did a wonderful job of working on the tifos with all the other local Crew supporters groups. The stadium and staff worked well at trying to at least get a sound system to keep everyone in tune with the main stand. We had some great capos going in most sections, but would  really want to get more experienced capos in other sections, especially south stands, next time, was a near disaster most of the time down there apparently. But I can’t say I’d do it much differently if there was another big game at Crew Stadium coming up any time soon.

Dos a Cero was already legendary before this game, but it’s even more so now. US vs. Mexico will be there in 2017, no doubt. Crew Stadium will either be there upgraded, new stadium, or another stadium somewhere else in the city. But that game will be in Columbus, and it’ll be another all American fun time, not just Seattle, but the entire country. Don’t you fret.

3 Years After Kansas City Wizards vs Manchester United: A Reflection.

For the past two years, I've retweeted and mentioned a certain game on this date, the day that truly proved the potential of Kansas City being a major soccer market. I remember some media from other parts of the country, and hell, even some of ours, looking at the attendance and the outcome as an outlier. To them, this was no proof at all, just a bunch of regional United fans coming down to KC to see the Red Devils play for perhaps their first and only time in their lives. I didn't see it as such on that day, and I certainly do not see it as that now days. July 25^th, 2010, the preview party of things that lay ahead…

I vaguely remember the rumors and rumblings about United coming here, just seemed so impossible that it almost certainly had to happen. The (at the time) Wizards needed something big to pull people into buying season tickets at the new stadium, something that a regular season game at Community America Ballpark was never going to do. The official announcement confirmed all that craziness was to happen, as the first official event at the “new” Arrowhead. $30 for a Cauldron ticket, against Manchester United, holy balls. Pretty sure that ticket would be around $80 or more if it were to happen again anytime soon.

The tailgate was a preview of things to come as well. A massive joint Cauldron/AOKC tailgate with all that food and kegs on kegs on kegs of beer to be had. As a 20 year old loser at the time, I was pumped to drink as much and as fast as possible, getting thoroughly trashed pregame, but luckily not enough to forget the game. My poor ticket is in bad shape now days from a spilt beer near my pocket because of my negligence, but I still cherish that thing.

Row 4, I was up at the front, and it was beautiful. If I remember correctly, the only person I knew around me was Mike Kuhn, in row 3 right in front of me. Didn't matter, didn't speak to anyone, only sang and chanted my drunken rear off for the majority of the match. I remember walking in; the stands were covered in red, and not from the seats. Spots of blue were all over but dammit if the Cauldron didn't represent that day, we were fantastic. Few, if any, drums allowed in, so they banged on the metal overhang about 15 rows up to keep the beat, wonderfully improvised. God Save the Queen, Star Spangled Banner, the anthems were sung right near an ever rosy cheeked and slightly sunburned Sir Alex Ferguson. This was shaping up to be one of the oddest and most triumphant sporting events I had ever attended.

That 11^th minute, that Davy Arnaud goal, I’m so glad to this day that he scored in that one. If Davy and Jimmy Conrad would have scored in that game, I probably would have died of the happiest heat exhaustion that anyone has ever croaked from. The red clothed folks started cheering on those boys in blue, which was no surprise. The stadium got loud though, sounded like all 52,424 fine taxpayers had jumped on the Wizards bandwagon. And then those wheels seemed to fall right off.

Damn you Terry Vaughn, damn you. If the Wizards would have lost that game because of you sending off Conrad in the 39^th minute, in a goddamn friendly, I would take a dump on your picture on your birthday every single year. I shouldn't hate you for it though, because that red card instead made the game more historic. The Dimitar Berbatov goal, easy penalty, deserved. The crowd….went….absolutely….mild. Sounded as crazy as an Iowan town hall meeting in November. Down to 10 men, seemed like the blowout was incoming, a 7-1 win for the Reds or something.

Kei Kamara had a pretty decent start to 2010 and felt that he should have been voted into the All Star Game in Houston that season. Kei Kamara was not on the All Star squad and that irked him, so he decided to have his own All Star Game, and his own All Star jersey. Ball placed back at the center, Wizards take it down, goes out for corner, played in, BOOM, hits crossbar dead center, pops down, DID IT CROSS THE LINE? WHO CARES, TERRY VAUGHN SAYS SO, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!! Kei Kamara debuts his KCW All Star shirt underneath his jersey, the man who never wanted to come to Kansas City at all the year prior was now beginning his run to a lasting KC legacy and the English Premier League. Arrowhead got loud, not as loud as a 1993 Chiefs regular season game, but damned if I didn't pound my seat and yell til I was near hoarse. I twirled my brand new blue and white bars KC Cauldron scarf harder than I ever had before

Halftime rolled around shortly after. While I sat, baking in that hot July sun, many people in the stadium were inquiring about the future Sporting Park, some placing deposits to this new stadium without much knowledge of the Wizards but a want, a deep down need, to learn about the beautiful game in Kansas City. Those roots started there for many, on that day.

I cannot remember much of the 2^nd half. All those beers, the sun, humidity, finally caught up with me. I remember quite a few Kronberg saves and the last ever appearance of Sunil Chhetri, who would leave the club forever the following day. I remember those last 10 minutes though, I remember looking up at the clock every 30 seconds or so, expecting United to equalize, if not outright win, before time expired. I saw the board rise for how many minutes of 2^nd half injury time would take place, keeping those precious minutes counting down in my phone. Those few minutes felt like an eternity, til finally, Mr. Vaughn blew the whistle three final times to call an end to the insignificant Wizards period and the start of a movement that was finally achieved and perfected a little over 2 years later on August 8^th, 2012. The Cauldron went wild, our beloved Wizards had just taken out a slightly B squad but still one of the best in European soccer Manchester United. They show me during the closing parts of the Fox Soccer feed, I look damn near tears, scarf held high, singing my praises towards the yellow piped home team.

There are no friendlies scheduled this season for Sporting Kansas City, with the All Star Game and CONCACAF Champions League taking the time left for friendly practice games. The lasting legacy of that game started something in the minds of many Kansas Citians on both sides of the state line. This MLS team, those guys that used to wear rainbow jerseys, that had mini ponies at halftime for children to ride, those Wizards who were ridiculed at Arrowhead in the past, were now in the minds of more locals than anyone, possibly even the ownership too, could ever imagine. July 25^th, 2010, the day where David defeated a Devil.

What KC Wiz Means to Me and What it Means to You.

Feels like a good bunch of people have forgotten what the supporter culture is truly about and has taken to starting little spats online and offline with each other about things that include random invites on the Cauldron Facebook page, taken spots in the Member's Stand, and tailgate shenanigans. What the hell people? Have you forgotten what you paid for prior to the start of this season in a season ticket? There comes a point where one man breaks from all the song arguments, nerds dressed up as various attention seeking superheroes, and the worst, friends arguing with friends. When did the Cauldron become more of a job for people than a fun getaway from real life?

I often think back to my own humble Cauldron beginnings, back when the Cauldron was a two deep third base line bleacher area and the opposite stand was a grassy knoll that only politicians and parents with toddlers would be fearful of. I remember going to a game or two before getting season tickets, sitting near the Cauldron but not in it, remembering the days of Arrowhead, of the small group that had blossomed to a nicely sized group of what looked to be great friends. I sat in my chair most of the game, looking at that group, knowing I needed to get in with this, before the move to Bannister, because this thing was gonna take off and I wanted to be on that train of fun and excitement. MLS was sold to me in a minor league baseball park in what was once a wheat field in Kansas.

I could go on and on about the rest of my origins in the Cauldron, including picking my season tickets up in a shady transaction from Sam Pierron, the slick pieces of paper in a small Ticketmaster envelope. But I’m not, told those stories a million times. What I want is to hear your origins now. What brought you to the games, what sold you on the experience? How can we harken back to the wonders and glory that arrived for us in 2011 with the new stadium opening? I want to feel that again, and I hope you do too in a way. Let’s get back to having fun again. I hug less people and shake fewer hands at tailgates now days, feels more territorial than ever. Let’s all be friends and bros again. Join in, game on.

Red Vs. Blue

"ARROWHEAD STADIUM: HOME OF THE CHIEFS! 116 DECIBELS! NO ENEMY WINS HERE!" I remember words like that, I remember those good old days of the 1990s Kansas City Chiefs. Thomas, Montana, Smith, Shields, Gonzales. All names of my childhood. I remember the waiting list for season tickets went for miles and miles, third at one point only to the Green Bay Packers and the Dallas Cowboys. I remember going to my first game in 1994, the excitement of seeing a game in person. I remember the noise, deafening, nonstop pain nearly.

Those days are dead, forever. The growth of football has taken the 116 decibels away forever, can't disturb the club level (if they are even in their seats) after all. I usually attend a game or two with my dad every year now days. I was there last Sunday, the Bengals completely destroyed the lack wit RAC led squad, but the main issue just wasn't there. The tailgating atmosphere was gone, replaced with either frat boys in other team's jerseys or long time season ticket holders who still hold blind faith that once Pioli is fired, everything will turn around. False faith, but something nonetheless.

My dad and I had about 5 empty seats to share between us, the inhabitants nowhere in sight, must have been in the club level. I remember he stretched over to exclaim to me at one point, "This feels like the late 70s and 80s, the atmosphere, the play, awful." And Arrowhead was. Those Monday Night Football games sounded and looked great the last two seasons didn't they? They still didn't compare to 80k+ standing room nonstop noise of the old days. Pounding on your seats is way too easy when there is 10 empty ones around you.

Which brings me to my point: They couldn't have picked a worse time to suck. The NFL will always make money, the Chiefs will always make money. Anyone thinking that the Save the Chiefs blackout campaign could mount any success is a complete ignorant moron. Dent their pockets by not filling them while going to the game, paying $27 to park, $8 beers, and food on top of that. Spread the wealth on the other football, yeah, the one your buddy at work told you to come to.

I'm entering my 4th season as a season ticket holder with Sporting Kansas City this upcoming season, and I've never been happier. Silverware at long last, that delicious tease of near MLS Cup pride, the potential long term runs at even more domestic and international cups. In the winter, and I came close to getting season tickets for this as well, the Comets are there. Cheap beer before the game, the wackiest unnerving game I've ever seen sure, but at least they're winning and care about their fans. Hell, we'll have two women's soccer teams next season, even if FC Kansas City is the most uninspiring name they could have come up with.

I suppose this is more of a rambling Jack Harry-esque opinion piece than a blog, but hell, here we go. Clark Hunt, I'm not going to lie, I'm not leaving. I enjoy football, I still enjoy tailgating at Arrowhead, I still love walking up between the concrete pillars up to the common man's section. But when your people call, begging me at this point to buy season tickets, I won't listen. I will continue to buy my tickets from Stubhub or from friend's, completely cutting out that potential extra revenue that you might make. My days of merchandise purchases are on hold from here on out.

All we ever wanted was a team to enjoy. 2010 got awfully close but turned out to a short term red herring. Spend the money, splurge on players and front office staff. Stop using the Small Market excuse, you're making tons regardless because of NFL rules. I want to see your snide snarky ass lifting the Lombardi Trophy, don't you want that?

Until then, I become one of those casual fans. I'll still watch games at home until the blowouts worsen or blackouts happen. Redzone being available has been a wonder this season, making complete ignorance of the Chiefs that much easier. If you can chance your ways, you can reach me at M8, Member's Stand/Cauldron, Livestrong Sporting Park, 1 Sporting Way, Kansas City, KS 66111. Just look for the guy with the beard and the US Open Cup next to him, you know what that looks like, you lost the chance of having one in Seattle a few years back while you were wearing yellow.

8.8.12

I have seen 5 total playoff games in my life. A Mavericks game 5 where they lost, the Chiefs January 2011 playoff game against the Baltimore Ravens where they lost, drove to Denver for the SKC-Rapids game last Halloween where they won 2-0, followed by the 2-0 finishing blow later that week. I was there for the eastern conference final last November, I remember the pain of the Dynamo players celebrating on the field. I remember the orange confetti, I remember the orange fireworks, I remember their fans going wild. I remember each every moment of those triumphs and pains.

I remember sitting in the very chair that I'm typing this from right now in 2010. I remember watching the throw in being taken 10 feet closer to the goal than it should have been. I remember Mike Fucito slotting the ball to the right of Nielsen in the 92nd minute, I remember the noise their crowd made and the hate that I felt. I remember the damn near same thing happening the very next year, twice in fact. I remember the corner kick in the 93rd minute, Jeff Parke who hadn't scored a goal since the first half of the Bush Administration. I remember my friend crying into my sister's shoulder, I remember the hatred I felt. I remember when they gave us our first home loss, the Omar Bravo fake headbutt and red card. The first goal came in the 90th minute, Mauro Rosales in his historical year, the second from Lamar Neagle. The hatred was etched permanently into me that day, I would never ever tolerate the Sounders from then on.

Today, today really isn't a playoff game. The format is similar but the field of teams is bigger. 64 teams entered with even more already eliminated from the qualification round. Hundreds upon hundreds of teams with one single goal: to lift that big silver cup. We fought off a team starving for an MLS future in Orlando City, we fought off a team with plenty to prove in Colorado, we fought off a team that most people had never heard of but wanted to be this year's Richmond Kickers in the Dayton Dutch Lions. We went into Philadelphia, a place where we had the snot beat out of us weeks before, and dominated the second half to bring the game to Livestrong Sporting Park.

I have never seen a championship game. My family wouldn't have been able to afford season tickets, let alone flying to DC for the 2000 MLS Cup. My interests were elsewhere in 2004, a lost 15 year old at the time. Those are the only other opportunities I've had for potential championship glory in my lifetime. The last time the Royals won anything, let alone qualify for the postseason, was four years before I was born. The Chiefs, well, they can make the playoffs but usually choke somewhere after regular season play ends. Today is my first day for potential championship glory.

I remember waking up on November 6th. I woke up in a sweat, in the middle of the night, at about 2am. The same time that I woke up this morning but something completely different took my mind. I was afraid, I had many doubts. Could we win? Could we take on the mighty LA at their home ground? I was struck dead with the Terror. But this morning, when I awoke, I only smiled. I had no fear, only the feeling of preparation. I do not dread this game like I did the ECF last November. Today, I only had one feeling, winning.

See you at 4:30.

Chicago Road Trip 2012: Inferior American Fans Follow Inferior American Football

Well well well, back to Chicago again. Last year was abysmal, we lost, the weather decided to play into the Chicago stereotype of windy and cold, and I hadn't slept a wink on the way up on the 10 hour bus ride. You'd think I would have learned, but no, I'm finishing preparations for tonight at midnight, when I do the damn ride all over again. And I'm not going alone, not with 300, but with more.

If this is your first road trip, well, what is wrong with you? Away travel to games is probably my favorite form of the beautiful game. It's not the cozy little tailgate at home, roll up when you want with a 6 pack and friends. These, in the case of Chicago, other supporters don't want you here. You've traveled entirely too far for a 90 minute and change sporting event. Pure insanity that most would want us committed to a hospital for.

But this is the norm in the rest of the world. Some teams even give priority pre-sales to big away cup ties to fans that have followed the team before. Simply the best, I'm going to spend a 10 hour ride up, 10 hour ride back, and all the fun between with some of my best and closest friends. This will be my second time at Chicago, I've done Denver twice, Portland twice, and now added Vancouver in as well(not to mention a lovely Tuesday in Seattle on the way to Vancouver). Away travel is expensive, but the players do love it. You can see it in them when they look over, knowing that some fans love them enough to follow them everywhere.

To put into comparison, the longest trip in the English Premier League right now is Swansea to Newcastle at 359 miles, a 6 hour drive. We're going to our closest rival, at 514 miles away. True, some European fans make that long of a trip for international cup competitions and leagues, but for league play? Only Russia can compare and beat us on some lengths of travel. It's the pure dedication for a team, a movement, a group, that drives us to these games.

But as a fan, Chicago is different from all the other cities I've went to. Denver had a keg waiting for us, Timbers Army threw a night before party for us at their home bar, and Vancouver Southsiders bought me a few Canadian too expensive shots and beers at their home bar. In Chicago, we won't even be on the same side of the parking lot as them, and not allowed any closer to them. I usually bring a scarf to trade with other supporters, not Chicago, not a chance in hell. This is our closest thing to a real rivalry and both sides treat it as much.

At the same time, I love the hate, I love the fact that the people around us don't want us there. Section 8 doesn't want us there at all. They don't need to bring violence, which happened twice in bathrooms last year. We can be rivals and not need to turn into Green Street wannabes who emulate Elijah Wood for some reason(being a hobbit is better. PROUDFEET!). So while you're there with us, don't let them get to you. Say some sly words then move on, no need for things to escalate.

Most of all, have fun. These trips are great, and a fun way to make new friends as well. I have met countless people on my journeys, both Sporting supporters and from other teams. I've slept on floors, slept in chairs, stumbled back to a hostel with the help of two TA guys in Portland. I've waited 20 minutes for a train that wasn't coming all while enjoying the good life of away days. These trips make for good life stories, and I imagine all of us will hopefully have a winning one to tell to everyone at the end of the day. See you at the CAB(THROWBACK!) at midnight.

Too Early to Crown Sporting KC? Yes, but isn't it fun to say we're number one right now?

As a sports fan, I've grown up as a "glass half empty" type guy. The Royals were already past glory by the time I was born and the Chiefs were in a promising stage that never fulfilled the hype. Needless to say, I have appreciated the negatives towards my teams so I could enjoy bashing them and being overly critical towards them. Sporting Kansas City the last two seasons have taught me a new way to my sports life, how to enjoy winning. Because of them, I never want to lose again or feel the pain of the loss.

Various people around MLS, fans, journalists, players, have been hyping us and criticizing us for being a little too cocky. Pretty true as well, when I first started supporting the Wizards, the only way to go was up. And up we went, little too high for some people but for many others and myself, we were now in the penthouse of MLS teams. We deserve it, fans, players, owners, team employees sponsors, everyone involved. We deserve to be cocky.

Sure, we can get a little bit ahead of ourselves in telling everyone how much they suck compared to us, how much SKC might beat their team week in and week out, but can't we just enjoy that as fans for a little bit before coming back down to Earth and relaxing a bit? Even the new bandwagoners, let them brag, let them be annoying. You won't have to deal with them if/when we ever have a bad season or two again. Let everyone have their fun and ignore them if it upsets you too much.

To keep this up though, we need results to continue being in the W slot, the big 3 points every time. We need silverware or the rest of the league will never take us serious ala New York Red Bulls. The true coming out party for "We Da Best, Listen" could be Saturday. This Real Salt Lake team is the real deal, my opinion of best team in the league right now. They have the talent, they have the depth, they have a frightening starting XI combo that is still pretty much the same as the 2009 MLS Cup winning squad and 2011 runners up for the CONCACAF Champions League. We beat them, the league shall know for the rest of the season that we will not let anyone knock us down.

All of this is my rambling opinion though. I don't want to throw out any stats to try and back myself up or anything. Just know that I believe in this team. I believe they will bring home a piece of hardware this season. I believe they can pull it off if they continue to believe in themselves. I believe we will win. Now go ahead and shoot me for that terrible finisher.

NBC Sports: The Hipster of American Sports Networks. A Calvin Early Morning Musing

Believe it or not, MLS rarely gets respect from ESPN or Fox. I know, I know, with how often they show games and cover highlights, very hard to swallow that fact. ESPN is more concerned with Tebow Time while comparing Tim with Lebron than covering the Superdraft on the main channel. Fox was always too concerned about showing the abysmal Fox Soccer Report in stunning standard definition while ignoring MLS outside of actual games played(they even show Australian A-League highlights while no MLS highlight show was broadcast). That all changes March 11th in Frisco, Texas, when NBC Sports Network broadcasts their first MLS game. Coverage can only improve from there.

Do you remember the Outdoor Life Network, or OLN for short? Not many outside of the diehard hunters and fishers do. Average channel but a genre that many others, including ESPN, covered quite well in the 90's. 1999 rolls around and, in a bizarre fashion, OLN bid and won the rights to the Tour De France, cycling's biggest event. I'm fairly certain that cycling is the exact opposite of hunting, although they are both held outdoors. By tossing their programming up in the air with picking up those rights, they changed for the better and never looked back. They proceeded to pick up the rights to Survivor reruns, marathons, the Iditarod, sailing, and auto racing.

As a hockey fan myself, the 2004-05 season was and is still the only major sporting season to be eradicated by a owner's lockout. The league looked towards an uncertain future coming back in 05-06, with two(at the time separate, now one contract. Companies merged, long story, go watch 30 Rock for that info) new TV contracts with NBC and OLN. The NHL was so messed up from the lockout that they didn't get the usual up front fee from NBC, instead simply sharing ad revenue. ESPN wanted to do the same deal but Comcast, owners of OLN and the Philadelphia Flyers wanted to change things up, offered the NHL 2 years, $130 million with a third network option year. The game began, the competitor to ESPN title that Fox Sports Net failed to raise as a national network had fallen to the former hunting channel, and they weren't finished.

OLN's name brand was changed to the questionable Versus in late 2006 along with a renewal of the NHL rights in 2007 and leading to the massive $2 billion 10 year renewal in 2011. They also attempted to bid for rights to MLB and NFL games but lost out(still rumored to be getting the NFL Network Thursday night games for 2012 though, watch for that). NHL shared the lack of spotlight role at ESPN before and alongside MLS, virtually ignored while NBA and MLB seasons overlapped and NFL coverage dominating all. NHL were the big boys at Versus, highlight shows, dedicated coverage, and helping broadcast nearly all playoff games. NBC picked up the rest but we're slow with the uptake, only picking up coverage after New Year's. Then 2008 happened, then NBC suddenly helped the NHL take over a holiday.

Bowl season had abandoned New Year's Day, only 3-4 minor bowls played. Somewhere in a room full of rich guys in 07, the Winter Classic was cooked up. The game has now been played 5 times along with the 2nd Heritage Classic last year. People love hockey outside in it's original home. Football and baseball venues completely filled up, huge TV audiences, clearly the league's big event for the year. The true rebirth of the sport and this, along with NFL rights in 2006, made NBC look like smart bastards at last.

NBC put on their glassless Ray-ban frames and cardigan sweater for MLS rights bidding in 2011 along with a handful of USMNT games to broadcast on both their networks. They also announced the rebranding of Versus to the NBC Sports Network, the battle of Fort Sumter in sports TV. The World Wide Leader vs The Old Duck Hunting Channel war had begun.

NBC also loves to mess around with cameras and the internet. Go watch a Sunday Night Football or NHL game on their website at gametime. Prepare to have complete control, numerous camera angles, stats running, live Twitter updates, everything. For football, it's the closest I can get to the All 22 presentation as a spectator along with more camera angles than needed for NHL. Just imagine what they can do with soccer presentation eh?

Oh, the other thing. All those MLS games NBCSN picked up? All 41 of them? Broadcast online for free. The days of searching for illicit streams of Fox Soccer Channel are over. You pick up Matchday Live and bookmark NBC Sports and as a fan, you're set. You can have the computer running the game on one camera angle while watching the main feed on TV, if you're as nerdy as the diehards tend to be.

NHL and MLS should also team up to be good roommates as well. The 4th and 5th in total revenue big sports in America can easily take out the scandal and prima donna ridden NBA. After all, the two fanbases are similar: young, full of cash, bearded crazy fans(Mavericks don't count, minor league hockey isn't the same. Independence destroys hockey, the fanbase is trashy). Flyers borrowed Doop from the Union, various teams owned by same owners. The two partnering up just makes sense. Cross promote through each other, offer deals to the other, buy a hockey ticket, get a soccer ticket. People will eat it up and love both teams.

I think I'm simply excited to see what NBC wants to bring with their MLS coverage. This isn't Fox or ESPN, they didn't need MLS with other rights like EPL and NFL. NBC needs MLS to succeed and will help out in every single way. Signing Arlo White was a great idea, and their nightly sports show has already had Grant Wahl on, an instant selling point for me. Simply keep it up, MLS weekly highlight show, coverage on everything every night, and I see no reason why the league and the network can't benefit from this partnership.

Some simple "Can't Sleep" thoughts going into 2012

Been a while since I've done this. Lost the will to write after all the random blogs popped up over the SKC fanbase, most absolutely terrible, along with one of the best losing the head writer then turning into a total crock of shit. Regardless, I just haven't felt the bug to write much. But I can't sleep, rarely do, so I'm gonna think deeply for a moment.

We're going to lose Teal this year, I haven't a doubt about it now. Not talked about much, think only Gooch has mentioned the subject, but he's gotten a lot of looks now in Europe and the money is waiting for him. There's nothing we can do probably, but we can lock up CJ. Pay the man, keep him in KC indefinitely. If you want MLS to grow, you need to stop the bleeding of young talent running away. There is a reason why the KHL, the main Russian hockey league, is booming right now, all because they're paying their players similar wages to play at home. Pay him, lots of money, keep 17 in KC forever.

I look at the schedule, holy shit does it ever play into our favor? If we do not repeat as Eastern Conference regular season champs, the season is a disappointment unless we tear up in the playoffs/USOC. After that awful ten game road trip to start the season last year, no trips longer than two games is absolutely beautiful. Really only one true coast to coast trip this year, after we leave Seattle, we're done with the West for the entire season. We're done with the big bad unstoppable western teams in June, that seriously couldn't play in our favor any better.

From a constant away traveler's point, the two best looking road trips are Vancouver/Portland and NYC/Montreal. Four of the most cosmopolitan (see what I did there?) cities in North America and we even visit the latter two twice. I'd certainly traveling to Vancouver and Portland myself, hoping to get Montreal in there as well by driving the insane and stupid distance up there. I'd almost love to do US Independence Day in Canada and hang out with expat Americans in Montreal for the day along with celebrating Canada Day on the 1st.

I love Lot F. I seem to, part of the time at least, get stupidly drunk at the games and wander the short distance from the tailgate, under the bridge, into the gate, very easily. They move us farther away from the entrance, they risk various Cauldronites wandering into the West Stander's tailgates on St. Patrick's Day, where I will most likely ask them for a beer and a burger. Think about that move before you do it Front Office, just think of the potential complains of the unsightly hairy guy wanting to hear their best chants while slurring every word.

Bobby Convey is such a nancy. I've watched the guy go down easily, ask the ref for calls, make a bad tackle then try to act as if he didn't do anything, and fight his way through anything (see versus Chance at LSP last season BRAH). He is the Anti-Arnaud, the Kyle Orton of the team. He wants to get paid to play, do his job, move on. The man doesn't give a shit about the team most likely and has a long way to earn my respect, most likely never.

Three players who need Twitter accounts this year: The Dragon (imagine his smack talk against the week's opponent), Leapin' Larry (anyone with that nickname obviously has many stories to tell, especially after playing with the enigma team that is Orlando City), and first and foremost, BIRAHIM DIOP. First of all, the fact that Diop isn't my best friend depresses me enough. To not see the Smiling Man on Twitter makes it worst. He really is one of my favorite players on the team. The Diop Game Part Deux was 4 days after my 21st birthday. I was in such disbelief in his hat trick that I believed that I had drunken too much and was hallucinating. The man is the best influence in the locker room, so he needs to join his teammates on Twitter ASAP.

Every time I drive past LSP, I smile and feel so content in life. Every time I see a picture of RFK, I feel a bit of sorrow for the DC fans, then I remember how much they suck, and I move on. I seriously hate seeing MLS 1.0 still exist to a certain extent in New England and DC while the rest of the league has moved on to 3.0. Shocking how this is allowed but I believe things are about to change, DC easily, NE a little harder. The Don needs to force Kraft's hand and either convince him to build a stadium closer to the heart of Boston or simply sell the team off and let them flourish. I imagine someone in Boston would love to buy em and build em an awesome stadium.

I have nothing good nor bad to say about Bravo. A simple "good luck with Cruz Azul" is all there is to say. He made an instant impact, was a fan favorite, but always seemed to have his foot out the door to a certain degree. I don't know if he ever truly wanted to be here, never could mesh in. Just gotta say oh well and move on by getting someone better and younger.

Cosmos are dead, Cantona wants to be French president, I'm starting to feel that Pele has no idea what's going on, and where are the apparent owners suddenly? MLS needs to focus on fast growing, high tech, youthful cities. Top three for myself have to be Nashville, Austin/San Antonio (give or take, one or the other for now), and the Twin Cities. For the future, watch the Research Triangle. Those cities are booming at the moment and continue to grow plus they are all sports crazy. The Carolina Hurricanes have a great turnout and fanbase, along with all the college teams. They're going to pass Charlotte soon enough and become a major eastern metropolitan area.

Those are the thoughts, well, soccer thoughts going through my head right now. Probably about 10 of you will read this, I hope, so just comment and such. Enjoy the madness.

Whose Rival Are We Anyway?

Earlier tonight, while cleaning out my desk, I found a disc with the Sporting 300 Chicago away game from earlier this season. I hadn’t actually watched any of the game since the next morning in the hotel, so I thought a nice refresher to the reasoning of why I dislike the Fire and their fan base. Which got me thinking (rambling) of MLS rivalries/derbies, or lack of said true rivals in the league? Just takes one look at the list to see how ridiculous they are.

There are a few that make sense, such as the Superclasico between Chivas USA and LA Galaxy, the only true derby in the US. A few others aren’t local but in the same region to hate each other, like Real Salt Lake-Colorado, FC Dallas-Houston, and the Cascadia Cup between Portland, Vancouver, and Seattle. And then there are the utterly pointless cups like the Atlantic Cup between DC and New York, and my personal favorite, the Trillium Cup between Toronto and Columbus. That’s right folks, a rivalry based on the state/province flower of Ohio and Ontario…

There are also a few unnamed hatreds between fan bases, Philly and New York come to mind. But what about us? Who are we really supposed to hate out of everyone? This isn’t like baseball, where we can instantly hate St. Louis for the usual inferiority complex reasons, or the history of the Chiefs and their AFC West rivals. Sporting KC really has no one, unless you start looking at recent results.

Chicago looks to be the easiest to be our rival. Closest in driving and flying distance, their lack of true rival (don’t give me that Crew and Brimstone Cup crap with Dallas as rivalry), and our history against them. This year alone, we went up there and their fans treated us like crap and threatened us, then their team came to the grand opening of our brand new stadium, was rude to local fans nearby, ruined the night with some of the worst soccer I’ve ever seen, and of course, the guy in the cow suit. Simple as that, it is quite easy to hate the Fire, especially since they only know one word.

Columbus and Houston are another two options. Distance is about the same, quite a bit farther away than Chicago. Main reasoning for the dislike is how their fans have treated us. I’ve heard plenty of stories of how we were treated on away games in Columbus, and Houston, we were told to just stay away from their fans to avoid any issues. Not to mention the booing of Aurelien Collin throughout the SKC game in Houston earlier this season after he was fouled by the Dynamo players twice, fouls bad enough to have said two players sent off. That moment, when he scored the equalizing goal in stoppage time, stunning and silencing the crowd, was priceless, enough to warrant strong dislike of Orange Boys of MLS.

DC United, strike that, Handball United, the self appointed “greatest team” in MLS history. Seeing that fourth star above their crest bothers me every time. That hand ball, that second missing star above our logo, the stealing away of the potential double, that right there is enough to hate them.

My last candidate is probably the one I hate the most as of recent events however. We were the first team to beat them in their home, the supposed Mecca of the best supporters in the MLS, the inventors of chanting and singing, that was sadly followed by two years in a row of stoppage time farce goals away there. They came into our house on August 6^th 2011, and they returned the favor. They gave us our first league loss at home, by another stoppage meltdown, after Omar Bravo was sent off and our boys decided they were done with the game in the 88^th minute. That’s right, I hate the Seattle Sounders more than anything.

I know their big rivals are supposed to be Portland and Vancouver, that’s great, I love the Pacific Northwest derbies. But they don’t respect us, their supporters have been negative to us, things happened in our own club after the game, one even had some words with me out in our lot, nowhere near where their cars were parked. I almost hope, if we do make the playoffs, that we meet them again. I want us to win against them when it truly matters, what will they say then?

But to be quite honest, our location and lack of big name talent, attendance, and support til the last few years has hurt us in the rivalry department. But I’m glad we don’t have a manufactured rival like some of the other teams. I’m glad that the league is to the point where things that happen on the field can determine a true rivalry, results that to the eventuality of a true rival like the Raiders to the Chiefs. On that day, when there is someone who equally dislikes my team and myself for supporting the team, I’ll be right there across from them, saying things that I would regret outside of those 90 minutes.

Suck My Blue Balls, Kevin Kietzman

Earlier this late evening/early morning, I read that the ever benevolent fake Twitter account, FakeNedYost, wrote a post about his reasons for no longer listening to KK's afternoon drive show, Between The Lines. I'll admit, while growing up, KK has been the premier radio personality in the metro area, hell, he's the messiah to be quite honest. He took something that truly was nothing and created radio gold, he un-Don Fortune'd the entire city. But if you've listened for the past year or so, he has been turning his entire show into a big infomercial for the most part. Cookie Diet this, Mortgage company this, BBQ advice with some blogger who bought time that. This guy has basically turned his show into one big late night local news station open commercial hour. But that's not my current issue with him, no not at all, my real issue is for him being a tremendous asshat about soccer, it's rise in the US and him being the crotchety old man that he is.

His Twitter account(Yes, I can't believe that with the way he acts about anything that's new and exciting that he has a Twitter account) is http://twitter.com/kkwhb, which I'm surprised doesn't have more ad tweets for the Cookie Diet. As a major member of local media, he obviously had tickets to the Sporting KC home opener Thursday night. Usually if you have nothing nice to say in the field, you bullshit and say nice things anyways, after all, he's been doing it for the Chiefs and Royals for a number of years now. Let us now go through each major tweet from that night and I'll make some comments on his attitude.

"This park is really something to see. Amazing what u can build from the ground up." Nice respectful tweet, something expected and truthful. The joint really is amazing. Nothing to say bad here.

"Ok... We have a mascot... It looks like we're the dogs." I should note before continuing, his major issue with the team is the lack of the name. Him and Jack Harry are really the only two local sports journalists who care about the name. They are Sporting Kansas City, they have been the Wizards, they will always be the Wizards, think of it as an official name to say similar to Manchester United as the Red Devils and Arsenal as the Gunners. But because this America and everything should be American, we must have an official name, right? I will give him one thing, the mascot stinks. Dynamo was awful, had no actual connection to the club really, but Blue has even less. I want to be in that meeting with that suggestion, "Guys, we have no real mascot but we need one so 4 years olds can go batshit crazy whenever he's around, but I can't come up with anything, you got something?" "Hmm, we must have a Weimaraner!" Gimme a break. Moving on before I start to turn into him.

"Sporting Canines?" SHADDUP!

"Jackass Chicago fans beating drums and shouting over Lance Armstrong. I feel a houligan brawl coming." Truly disrespectful what the traveling supporters did. Let the ownership and the main face of the Livestrong brand have their moment. We only had one chance to ever simply enjoy that moment and it was wonderful. I could hear the speech from the Member's Stand but apparently it really messed up the ability for those in the southern part of the West Stand and most of the South Stand from hearing any of it. Ok, second part.

We're not fucking hooligans, well, most of us. I've had friends ask me how many fights I get into at games. I don't, ever, I don't want to, ever. I worked my ass off at Target during the fall and winter to pay off my season tickets and I'm proud of that fact. The last thing I want is to be kicked out and banned for fighting at a game or in the parking lot. This is not late 70's-early 80's England. This is not Millwall-West Ham. This was two potential regional rivals who were well guarded from each other at both games with only a few wannabe hooligans who might fight. Don't expect a fight from us, ever.

"Too close to Chicago fans... Not joking... They started a fire and they're booted! This is nuts!" That's right, you don't follow our rules, you're out, no questions asked. The same thing would be done about fighting, so learn the rules my friend.

"For the record, we didn't start the fire." You can see how out of date this guy is, still thinking Billy Joel references are cool.

"That was the single most dangerous thing I have ever seen at sporting event. We are all very lucky. Full prosecution please." Flares and smoke bombs will not set the place on fire, might burn some folks but they are generally safe. It's against the rules but this is nothing like a stand collapse or anything else. I'm sorry KK that this wasn't a nice and cozy, boring, drawn out event like a Royals game is, it's not my fault that we pack in a nice little punch in 90 minutes.

"What's up with all the trash and fireworks debris? This is all just as odd as it can be." The streamers were stupid, that was majority of the "trash" at this point, pre Bravo PK no call. I agree that there shouldn't have been given either that much streamers given out or any at all, but it's part of the game. The team had stewards and security whose job is the clean it up as soon as possible, so if it's anyone's fault, it's theirs.

"Stadium seats are very big. 2 inches wider than royals and chiefs?" "There is also more knee room than any other place I've been." Best seats in the world. NYRB had em first in the US but they truly are the best that you can get. And they are fairly bigger than the Chiefs and Royals, especially when you are sitting between two 300-400+ pound Samoans at a Chiefs playoffs game. I was a sandwich by the end but at least those guys kept me warm for the first half before they were too drunk to stay and bailed.

"They are able to save a bunch of money on scoreboards and clocks. Don't really need them now do we?" Well aren't you clever? We don't need TV timeouts either, so why point it out?

"Letting visiting fans bring in drums and horns and pyrotechnics is a tradition and a horrible policy all in one. Ez to see why there's fights." We did it in Chicago and Denver. Chicago, didn't really matter since the Fire supporters were separated from us at all times but there were confrontations. In Denver, we tailgated before and after the game with the Rapids supporters. Our drums and such didn't start any fights, neither did my mean words towards one particular guy who I later had a beer and a laugh with after the game. It sounds like Kietz has seen Green Street one too many times, well, nevermind, he hates the sport so he probably wouldn't even bother. Probably got all of his soccer knowledge from Eurotrip.

"Curtis Kelly would be a great soccer player. What? Me? Foul on me?" Had to make a K-State reference so he didn't completely panic and feel out of his norm. I'm fairly certain that his wedding vows had mentions of Bill Snyder so he didn't piss his pants at the altar.

"Amazingly, fans wait in their seat until halftime before rushing to snack bar and bathrooms. KC should discount stuff while clock is ticking. Lines 40 deep." It's because there is actual stuff going on. Action, excitement, this is what pre-processed and fast food USA looked like, even your beloved football. I get in there, I enjoy a beer or two, stand in my section, chant for 45, use the restroom and get another beer or water at half for 15, another 45 of the same and then I'm done for the night. If I'm having someone else drive me home, I can tell them an exact time to pick me up, unlike at a Royals or Chiefs game, where it can be anywhere from "Pick me up at 3:30" to "I might be home in a week or so, we've entered extra innings/overtime". Isn't it such a shocking concept Kietz, that people can wait 45 minutes before gorging themselves full of nachos and beer again?

"Seems to me its easiest sport ever to miss a couple minutes." Says the guy who enjoys to argue about a sport where the manager can come out at any time to ask his pitcher how the arm is handling. Each game, I watch every moment, phone off or silent, ignored until half or after the game, because there is so much action. Are we sure that he didn't just pretend to go to the game and instead cried in front of the Powercat for 2 hours?

"Man I hope that Chicago player is ok. Oh, wait, Ray Lewis didn't hit him. He's fine. Jogging now. More stoppage time!" While I am not a big fan on the faking of selling injuries, this was plain stupid. Can this man not ignore football for 2 hours?

"Seriously Bravo... Get up." This is where it gets real. The timing of this tweet matches the same moment of the Bratislav Ristic attempted killing of Bravo. The fact that if he wouldn't have jumped in time, his leg would probably be in pieces and he still got injured from it. I take it he didn't see the Brian Mullen tackle on Steve Zakulani did he? Bravo was genuinely hurt, but because this is not football and the only true injury is when you see the guy's leg backwards and near death, he needed to get up. Whip out the spray, right Kietz?

"Sporting KC Blue Heelers. That's a dog, right? Or Blue's Clues." Serious injury on the pitch and he's still concerned with what the name is. I personally call for the team to be further known as "Sporting Kansas City Kevin Kietzman Is A F*cking Moron Who Rambles About His Cookie Diets".

"Tune in tomorrow. I have to collect my thoughts. D-oh." I didn't listen to it, that's too bad. I had better things to do, water a tomato, put a cactus out for some sun, then look directly in the sun, wishing for some rain so I could drown myself instead. This fool can't figure out why his ratings are finally starting to drop, in his reply to FakeNedYost, he said it was because the Royals are not doing well. HE BLAMED THE ROYALS! Get a clue KK.

"Ok, here's why I shouldn't tweet. My wife says they should be Sporting KC Blue Balls. They try so hard but just can't score." It all comes full circle on the naming choice. It is true, we are deep, probably the most offensively stacked team in the MLS, but we have no midfield and the defenders are playing the long ball all game because of it. I want more goals, but not like you, you want wins or losses, no ties. This is America dammit, you are either a winner or a loser. Foolish old man, you have no idea do you?

And that's where it ends, I predict that he finally got tired of actually giving up brain cells to a Eurosnob sport after all. I don't really like Nick Wright, he has a nasally voice and is a bit of a douche in real life, but at least he's more knowledgeable and open to other sports than the big two in the city. If Nick stopped talking about the Miami Heat and started talking more about the Wizards, I would give him more of a listen, so would many others. So how about it, is it finally time for old man Kietz to go? FakeNedYost and I are in the same boat, albeit different reasons, but at least neither of us are on the Cookie Diet.